Day 5

Weight: 9.28kgs

I had a really bad night. I only went to sleep at 11pm, woke up at 1am. Didn’t sleep again until 5am. I was crying the whole time, I was writhing around and didn’t want mommy or daddy to hold me. Mommy spoke to the therapists about it. They said I’m going through horrible times. I’m experiencing hunger, proper hunger. I’ve never been through that before. I don’t know what it is. Soon I’ll realise that food takes the hunger away.

I had speech therapy today. She said the muscles around my mouth are weak. That when I take sips from a beaker I don’t close my mouth around the spout properly. She’s given mommy and daddy exercises to do with me, hopefully they should help to strengthen them. I’m drinking from a bottle again. The professor said there’s a 50/50 chance that I’ll get my sucking reflex back. We’ll have to see. It’s a good bottle though cos when I bite some milk comes out. I had the picnic after that. I didn’t eat much, just a bite of a biscuit with some chocolate on it. I didn’t have my o/t. I was too tired after not having slept last night. It’s snowing outside so I’m going to get all cosy in a minute and have a nap.

Daddy’s changed his ticket and is staying another week. Mommy and I definitely need him around. It’s all been ok up until now. I don’t think I’ve hit rock bottom yet. The good thing is that I’ve been eating bits. I managed one jar of custard baby food yesterday and about 50ml of milk. That’s a lot more than a lot of kids have in their first week. It’s going to get a lot harder though, could tell from what I went through last night.

Ruby and Mabel have both left. It’s just me now unless another child starts next week. They’re both eating and drinking after being tube fed for 3 years. Good for them!